Finding old pictures is like finding a time machine. In part because the faces in the pictures have changed but the memories remain the same. Recently I found rare, old photos of my grandfather, my father, and myself together. Seeing two generations of men together who shaped my life stirs my heart. From what I’m told my Grandfather fit the generational mold for the time. Less expressive of his love for his children offering few hugs and “I love yous.” When my father started his family, he decided he wanted to love his children more vocally and physically. I remember lots of hugs and reminders of his love spoken from his lips. Although he passed away young, I’m forever grateful for his example to be a tender, loving man. He respected my powerful mother, made sure I knew of her magic, and taught me to treat all women with the same dignity and honor.
Now, in my mid thirties I see how few men were given the same role models. I see men who haven’t been taught its ok to sing, dance, cry, need help, show weakness and uncertainty. Men who haven’t been taught they can do and be all these things and remain masculine, confident, and attractive. Men left without this safety in their lives are capable of horrible things. We’ve all witnessed that.
Although we can’t live life backwards, we can apply our hindsight. Fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, co workers - PLEASE treat the men in your life like they deserve to be spoiled. Stop him in the kitchen and tell him how handsome he is. Speak the ways his efforts are recognized and help him feel secure. Say “I love you” often and give more hugs. Encourage emotion so we can begin to end the emasculation of the masculine and the oppression of the feminine.
I miss you endlessly, Dad.
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